I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
