so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize