I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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