he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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