i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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