I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
