the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize