I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
