I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
