Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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