GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
