dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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