awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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