Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
