Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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