I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
