apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
