Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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