You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
