All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
