I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
