Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
