tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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