you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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