i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
