apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
only you would photoshop your dick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want a musical about memes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
