its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
