so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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