I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize