I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
