I'm lost and stupid without you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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