Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
