I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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