I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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