nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
