Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
