Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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