I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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