You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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