Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
