hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Randomize
