My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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