Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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