im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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