I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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