i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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