I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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