he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
