Redeem this text for a blowjob
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
