I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
