It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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