Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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