i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
