I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
