You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
