I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
