and you said cock pushups were impossible
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
