i already hear my dad disowning me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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