Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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