I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
