Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
BRING THE BAGELS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
