I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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