just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
