I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
