I accidentally burped into my bong.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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