Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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