she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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