I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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