Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize