Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
