just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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