:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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