so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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