ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
